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Antithetoasts

Poems for Dubious Occasions

“Occasional forms like the toast often signal the ways and means in which poetry is permitted by prevailing ideologies to surface in mainstream culture. This is why a toast isn’t a toast if it isn’t polite. In fact, it’s a codified form of politeness, in which the form precedes the content.

It was a pleasure to write these poems as toasts that were determinedly polite … yet not.”

—Andy Brown

Contents

Toasts and Tales

1| A Toast to that Perfect Someone
2| The Tale of Angel Voyeurs

3| A Toast to the Professor Who Should Have Retired Long Ago
4| The Tale of a Concerned Mentor

5| A Toast to Employees From Supervisors They Disdain
6| A Tale of True Friendship

7| A Toast to the Multimillionaire Who Just  Laid You Off
8| The Tale of Two Feuding Families

9| A Toast to Pundits, Politicians, and Pedants
10| A Tale Illustrating the Nature of Logic

11| A Toast to the Wedding-Industrial Complex
12| The Tale of Two Thirsty Travelers

13| A Toast for Times the Speaker Before You Goes Long
14| The Tale of an Ill-Tempered Sot

15| A Toast to New Moles on Old Bodies
16| The Tale of a Backyard Party

17| A Toast to Celebrate the Pointer Finger
18| A Tale of Sour Ends

19| A Toast to Your One-Night Stand
20| The Tale of a Graveside Visit

Miscellaneous